ASK STELLA VIDAL
(about relationships, fitness, sex, and much more!)
"Hola! I am Stella Vidal, your "Sexpert" for ISUCKATGOLF.NET! I will be here discussing sex and relationships and answering your questions. Follow me weekly to get a better understanding of women and what makes them tick, some useful fitness and life tips, and lot's more!" Be sure to send in those questions! Ciao, Stella
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WHO IS STELLA VIDAL?
Stella Vidal is a television host, cover model, actress and relationship expert. Stella posseses a Master's degree in mental health and has been featured on "Telemundo, ABC, Caribevision and LATV Miami. She's graced the cover of many National and Internation magazines. She uses her therapeutic skills to empower both men and women to achieve happiness and self actualization. Questions on Fitness, conflict resolution, sex and more will be answered and discussed!
We're excited to bring Stella's unique style to ISUCKATGOLF and think we're all going to have a lot of fun and quite possibly even learn a thing or two! I know we feel better already just watching Stella's videos!
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ASK STELLA A QUESTION!
Past Questions To Stella:
Wife dissapointed she didn't get a sexy X-mass gift
Sunday Golf causing trouble in paradise
Crush on girl in class, how to let her know?
How do I get a body like yours?
I like him, he likes her, she's my BF!
Dressing Sexy On The Golf Course
Boyfriend Golf's With Her, But Parties With the Boys...
How to lose the Muffin Top!
Articles by Stella! Always Provocative!
STELLA VIDAL T. V.
Coming Soon! Stella Vidal in "Living' La Vida Miami" T. V. show.
Photo shoot/Stella being Stella
"My husband didn't get me anything sexy or personal for Christmas this year. He didn't last year either if I recall. I'm disappointed as I hinted that I'd really like that. Do you think I should come right out and tell him my disappointment? I feel like it kind of defeats the purpose if I just come right out and tell him to buy me something sexy. It's like asking someone if they love you. It's not the same as if they just came out and said it themselves. What should I do?"
Hi dear Sarah,
Thank you for trusting me with such an intimate topic. Many of us, men and women, go into relationships with many different expectations. However, most of us have a really difficult time verbalizing what we want. One thing that I learned years ago is that "Men will never be women." Huh??!! Yes, it is that simple, we act, think and feel different than men do. Therefore, in order for them to know what we think and want, we, as women, need to let our men know what we expect of them. There is nothing wrong with you asking for a sexy little outfit for Christmas, or a birthday, or even just any day. It might just take one time for you to let him know how awesome it feels when he buys you intimate or personal things. Oh, and make sure that you give him a couple of options in regards to the store you want him to buy it from.
Sarah, the more clear we are in our relationships, the more satisfied we will become. You are worth it!
Thanks for reading and until next time!
I have an ongoing debate with my wife that maybe you can help us settle? I work all week and every Sunday I have a golf game with my standard foursome of friends that I really look forward to. My wife likes for us to go out with her friends Saturday night and stay out late most of the time. I have to get up at 6am Sunday to get to the course in time to play, so I need to be in bed (and sleeping!) by say midnight if I'm going to feel good to play well Sunday. Am I wrong to not want to stay out partying all night when I have to get up early? Or is she right that I should move the match to say Saturday? (which two of the guys can't do because of kids games and such.)
Not a very sexy question!, but maybe you have a solution.
I am glad to hear that you have an active life with friends and your wife. The issue that you are dealing with is not too uncommon, and one that has a couple of alternative solutions. However, I think that the debate regarding the golf game on Sundays and your Saturday night bedtime may be symptoms of something a little bit deeper...
I will go out on a limb and tell you that your wife may be a bit resentful of the fact that you prioritize your friend's game as one of the main focuses of your week's activities. Steve, what she may be really saying is that she needs to feel more of a priority in your life. Let me explain: you work all week and Sundays are pretty much off limits to her as well. WHat she has left, in her mind, that signifies you prioritizing HER, is her Saturday evenings. I have a feeling that your wife may be craving for a little extra "Steve" time. Not a bad thing, right? I have a feeling that a little compromising is needed to make sure that she feels reassured that she is YOUR #1.
Here is my suggestion:
Why don't you set a second evening during the week when you and your wife can focus on each other, even away from your friends or hers friends. Perhaps a Tuesday night candlelight dinner, a Thursday night massage hour... you get the drift, right? Give her your undivided attention and make sure that it is an established agreement where you do not let any outside forces stop you from giving her a little more of YOU.
I can almost guarantee you that if you do this, the Saturday night bedtime hour debate will dwindle away.
On a happy note, it sounds like you both have a healthy relationship, one built on balance. You simply need to "tweak" it a little to ensure that your lady feels as special as you know she is!
Good luck Steve!! Please keep me informed of the progress. Thanks for reading!!
There is this girl in my calculus class in college, and she is extremely smart and beautiful, the whole package. Unfortunately, I can never work up the courage to talk to her, and anytime I am around her I just get nervous and I'm not myself. Usually I'm very outgoing and friendly, but when I'm around this girl I'm scared of doing something stupid so I simply don't talk. I've got a high school crush on her, and I just can't get her out of my mind. She has shown an interest in me, and I've had numerous opportunities to talk to her, but I am too afraid.
If a guy admired you, what would you want him to say to you? What can I say or do to become friends with her, and if you have any other advice I would by very grateful.
Thank you for trusting me with your sensitive issue. Something that encouraged me when I read your inquiry is when you stated that she has shown interest in you. Somehow, you have read some of her signals, and I am going to assume that your interpretation is correct. You asked me how I would like a guy to approach me... I will give you a couple of short and useful suggestions.:
First try to find out if she is single. You really do not want to pursue anything with her if she has a serious boyfriend. It might even turn her off if you do.
Second, always approach a girl with respect. Try to keep any ego out of this... Try to get physically close to her, maybe by moving your desk or changing your seat. This way she can notice you physically. Close physical proximity is one of the most powerful tools of attraction. As she gets used to seeing you, you WILL become more familiar and she will become more comfortable with you.
Third, when you do speak to her, make sure to compliment her on an accomplishment or something that she said or did in class. Try to stay away from mentioning anything physical about her. Some guys do not realize that a compliment on something about her physical appearance can be a turn off because it is just too blatant of a "hit." However, if you mention something that she has said or done, it shows the girl that you are a good listener and that you are interested in more that just her looks.
One of the biggest turn offs for me personally is a guy who approaches me for the first time and tells me how beautiful my eyes are or asks me if I work out every day... CHEESY AND PREDICTABLE! According to what you said, she is both smart and beautiful, so she WILL appreciate someone who notices her essence as a smart woman. I suggest that the first few time you venture out to speak to her, you make it about her and NEVER about you.
Once the lines of communication are open, then she will start wondering about who you are and she may begin to ask you questions about YOU. Wait for her lead on that.
Well, Lee, the last suggestion I have is to be PATIENT and go into it without any expectations. I know it is difficult to do, especially when you have such a crush on someone.
Good luck Lee and please keep me posted on the progress!!
Till next time!
Thanks for taking my question. Do you think it's lame to ask a girl out via text message? I'd be doing it so as not to put her on the spot and to also not have to feel worse if she said no.
Before texting was popular, people actually spoke to each other and learned how to look at "buying signs." By this I mean, the person's voice tones allowed us to confirm or disconfirm if someone liked us. Although I am guilty of texting, when I do choose to take the time and call someone, I am always glad that I did. There is no replacement to the human factor.
I definitely suggest that you build the courage to ask her out either through a phone call or better yet, in person! If she says no, it has nothing to do with you not being worth while, so you should not take it personal. If she says yes, then you are off to a great start!!
Good luck and thanks for reading!!
Simple question, how do I get a body like yours?!
Thank you for reading! Getting in shape like me takes commitment on many different levels, and it would be very difficult to answer it completely in one message. I will give you a basic rundown of my fitness routine.
I do cardio every day for at least 45 minutes. I prefer running, but I also switch it from running outdoors to the stepmaster at the gym or even the elliptical. Variety is key so that you don't get bored.
Besides cardio, I also lift weights. I choose a couple of muscle groups to work out every day, making sure that I cover all. If you are not familiar with weightlifting, I suggest that you hire a personal trainer to teach you the proper way of weightlifting. A few sessions should be sufficient and then you can take over on your own. I spend 45 minutes to 1 hour max at the gym every day. It is very important for me to keep it to one hour because I don't like feeling like I am a slave to fitness. I am super active and try to keep a balance between all of my activities.
Finally, your eating habits need to be at par with your fitness. I am not a nutritionist, so I should not give nutrition advise. However, I can tell you that eating a low fat, low carb diet always works for me. Besides eating 3 meals a day, I supplement with 2 protein shakes (mid morning and mid afternoon). As you begin to work out and lift weights, you need to intake more protein so that it helps with the muscle building process.
Water is crucial too! Also ask your trainer about supplementation, and which protein shakes he/she recommends. And finally, cut waaaay down on your salt intake, as it makes you accumulate water weight and you get that "bloated feeling" after consuming too much salt.
I hope this gets you off to a great start!!! Thanks again for reading and til next time!
I'm a golf widow every weekend! I like golf too but my husband would rather play with the boys and leave me to play with my girlfriends. When I suggest playing together he fluffs off the idea. Am I wrong to want to play with him, or is that really his time and I'm being too needy and I should leave it alone.
What I seem to be reading is that you are feeling so lonely that you almost feel as though you husband is "dead" and out of reach when he is out playing golf. THis is such a common reaction that I hear from so many women regarding their significant other's almost "addiction" to golf. It sounds to me like your husband sees the activity of golf to be pretty exclusive of him and his friends. Although you say that you enjoy golf, perhaps you should talk to you husband about alternative things that you can do together.
It is human nature to want to rebel against someone who we perceive is trying to "change us." Perhaps your husband feels that you are looking to interfere with his "boy time." I think that you would have more success if you gave up on wanting to join him and instead talked to him about creating a "ritual" together. Something else that you both may enjoy. It does not have to be an elaborate thing, but I venture to guess that if he decided to spend an hour or two with you doing "whatever" and excluding everything and everyone else, that it would help you feel secure and re assured.
I sense that you are simply feeling lonely and not very "special" in his eyes. I think that you can help him see that this is how you feel and help him find ways to shift that feeling toward a more loving and secure feeling.
There is hope and I know that you can do it!! Please let me know how it goes!!!
Thanks for reading,
Me and my best friend are Freshman in high school and are really close. She is prettier than I am, but I’m not so bad either. I like this guy and I think he likes her. She says she doesn’t like him “in that way”, and would say no if he asks her out. I still feel a little mad at her, even though I know it’s silly. Should I talk to her about it, or just deal with it myself. What about the guy, should I just move on or throw myself at him? (I don’t do stuff like that normally, but I really like him!)
It sounds like this situation has been creating stress for you. Let me start by saying that considering your age, this will not be the first or last time that you will feel confused about love and relationships. Although it may seem like a really big deal, in the big scheme of things it is not, so try to look at it from the point that it will help you learn how to deal with future issues.
You mentioned that you and your friend are close. That is the most important factor in all this. Try to have faith in your friendship and focus on all of the good stuff that you girls share. As far as the boy is concerned, you have no control over his actions, so stop focusing on what he "may" do. Let go of it and start spending your mental energy on the things that you can control. For example, school, your health, even your outfits, and how YOU behave in the relationships that you already have.
DO NOT throw yourself at the boy (or any boy for that matter). Give yourself the importance that you deserve. I am sure that you are a beautiful and smart girl and eventually someone will come around that will see and appreciate you for who you are. In the meantime, do not rush love. You are still young and everything will come with time. ENJOY BEING A GIRL!!
Let me know how it goes!
My boyfriend thinks I should wear more typical golf outfits when we go to play. I do wear "golf clothes", but a shorter skirt and maybe a form fitting top. Like Natalie Gulbis of the LPGA would wear. Do you have any suggestions? He's a little jealous. We play at his club and I like to look hot!
I am in total agreement with you regarding your golf attire. I believe that the long skirts/shorts for girls are a thing of the past. It is all about representing who you are, and by what you are telling me, you are not disrespecting him nor the sport. There is a way to look sexy and be classy at the same time. Perhaps you can be super attentive to him while out playing golf, so that his insecurities are appeased. Go out there and enjoy yourself while celebrating you beauty!! Thanks for reading!
This is very cool! Thanks for taking my question! My boyfriend doesn’t pay as much attention to me as he used to. We’ve been dating about 2 years. We both golf, so we have that in common. But he likes to go out and party with his friends and I like to hang out, watch movies and stuff like that. I’m not a big drinker. (he’s not over the top either.) So aside from golf season where we play together, he always wants to do his own thing with his buddies on the weekend. He invites me to come but I’m pretty sure he knows I won’t as I don’t like what they like. Do you have any suggestions how I can bring back a little of the spark we had when we first met and get him to want to be with me more?
Thank you for reading. First, let me tell you that your situation is not uncommon. Couples tend to get complacent after a few years of dating. THere are a lot of questions that I have, like, how old are you guys, do you live together, how frequently do you see each other?
Besides hanging out with your boyfriend, do you have any other activities that you do, either by yourself or with other friends? I hate to say this, but it sounds as though your boyfriend may be a bit bored of the routine that you have going on with each other. Perhaps there is a part of him that takes you for granted. I invite you to read my latest blog, which will go more in to detail about why we tend to "fall out of love."
As a woman, I suggest that you start re-acquainting yourself with who you are apart from being his "girlfriend." Guys need to feel admiration for the woman they are with. There also has to be a sense of "mystery" when it comes to you. The fact that he is going out every weekend with his buddies does not sit well with me. It sounds like he is out living a single guy's life as you wait at home for him. I invite you to start spending more time on yourself... perhaps getting a mini make over, new hair do, hitting the gym a bit more frequently, and regaining some of your self worth. Again, I don't have enough information about you to give you a specific action plan. However, what I can see is that if you want this relationship to continue to flourish, you must focus more on becoming the sexy woman that he would be proud to take out on a weekend and show off. You will be surprised that when you start doing those things without necessarily asking him for much, he will start paying more attention (that is assuming that he is still interested in pursuing a relationship with you). ANyway, if after you "sexify" yourself and he still continues to ignore you, then you will know that it is time for you to move on.
I always say: "Become the person that you want to attract." Love and nurture YOU and the rest will fall into place.
Thanks again and please let me know how it goes!
I see that you are always in top shape! How many days a week to you workout? Do you ever take more than a day or so off from exercise? What is your favorite ab workout? I’m struggling to lose that last bit of fat…muffin top…any exercise tips for that? (it’s not bad at all, but the lower abs are my tough spot to lose fat. You look fantastic! Can you recommend a good workout routine DVD?
Thank you! Love your show!
Yes, I workout every day of the week. I do cardio daily, between 30mins to an hour. I lift weights every other day. The troublet you speak of has a lot to do with your diet. I recommend that you increase your cardio by 15 mins and watch your salt intake. Alcohol also seems to store fat around the stomach area. I am not a nutritionist, but I recommend that you eat protein with every meal, combined with vegetables. Have two protein shakes (try BSN lean desert protein) twice a day, once mid morning and one mid afternoon.
Maxine, I can help you get in top shape and provide other support services. Pls email me to email@example.com and we can talk about different options.
Hope this helps you get started! Oh, and thanks for watching!
I’ve got a wild question for you! My boyfriend and I golf after work a couple of times a week. We often play as many holes as we can until it’s too dark then and walk in the rest of the way in the dark. My boyfriend wants to have sex on the 15th green next time if it’s dark enough and we are sure no one is around. The idea excites me, but I’m afraid of getting caught. What do you think?
I think it's fantastic that your bouyfriend fantasizes about having sex with you in different places. I am not really at liberty to tell you whether or not doing "it" on the 15th green is a great idea. I am not even sure that it is legal. What I CAN tell you though, is that it is important to keep that "flame" alive. How that is done is between you and your boyfriend.
I hope this helps and would love to hear the update!
Thanks for reading!
ISAG Bonus Comment: This is too easy! We were going to use some lame double entendre golf lingo like "never up never in", or "play it as it lies", "stiff or flexible shaft", "up and down", "worm burner" or the easiest of them all " hole in one". But we're way too mature for any of that. So just forget it. No comment.
A Wife or a Prostitute (Dec 09)
Can Men and Women "Just Be Friends"?
As we discussed in a previous article, relationships are no easy matter, but what is even more interesting is how similar we all truly are! When we are able to step back and look at the big picture, we attain new found wisdom and perspective. We are all in this race to live a financially comfortable life, but most importantly, we are all seeking that one person who we can share it with. Think about it, at the end of the day, if you have all the riches and toys in the world, but no one to share it with, is it really worth it? I believe that this is the reason why prostitution is "the oldest profession in the world." Not that I am condoning it by any means, but basically the purpose for paying for that companion is to have them make us feel like we are the most important and valuable person in the world, while obtaining sexual satisfaction with no boundaries, right??!
Many men have succeeded financially in life and what they now search for is someone to satisfy them without reservation. What we, as women forget, is that the male species is not as complex as we sometimes make them out to be (men, you are free to disagree). They function with purpose: to provide and to have sex. Societal pressures create the expectation to succeed, yet, they are not taught to ask for what they need sexually or emotionally. As women, we see a man that is well put on the outside, successful, "in control" and we assume that they have the whole relationship "business" taken care of. Well, lest not assume that this is the case girls!... sorry guys... in my experience as a therapist, men seem to be afraid to voice to their babes what they need.... they may walk around sexually frustrated because their girl just does not cut it sexually and this is what leads to problems... many problems! So, now that the cat is out of the hat, lets see what we can do about this "little" dichotomy:
I'm going to start with what us girlies can do:
1. Chicas, we need to become more in tuned with our sensuality, better yet, our sexuality. We need to start looking at sex, not as something that we need to do for our man to keep him from straying. We need to, instead, fall in love with ourselves and our bodies. "How do we do that?" you may ask. First, we need to forget everything that you were taught as a young girl about sex. Sooo many of us were made to feel bad and inadequate about our sexuality. Very often we were told that being sexual was wrong and deserved shameful feelings. Perhaps as a child, this is OK , because the last thing we needed to do was attract men sexually. But as time went on and we matured as women, we also needed evolve as sexual beings. Unfortunately, many of us stayed with the old tapes: SEX IS SHAMEFUL. Well, senoritas, I am here to free you of those "old tapes" and to give you permission to free the sexual kitten that has been in hibernation inside of you!. I urge you to stand in front of a mirror RIGHT NOW look at yourself with sensual colored glasses. You are free to love your body, your temple, as a sensual machine filled with pleasure. No matter how small, tall, thin, fat, green, black, you are, you were born to enjoy sex!!! Not for Tim., or Tom or Carlos or Max. NO SENOR, you will enjoy it for YOU and most importantly: FOR YOU... lol, I know I am being repetitious, but you need to hear it more and more and more and more... If you don't know yet what is most pleasurable to you, then you have some work to do! EXPLORE, EXPLORE, EXPLORE. If you don't know what brings you to climax or what arouses you, what makes you think that your man will know???!! That is an unfair expectation. Jesus! Men are not equipped with a sixth sense guiding them to your pleasure spots! YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM WHAT FEELS GOOD. Give the man some guidance please!!
Now boys, here we go, it's your turn:
Do you really want satisfying an explosive sex with your girl? Can you imagine if you went to work every day sexually satisfied? Can you imagine how freakin productive you would be if your mind was not always wondering around looking at this girls ass, or this chic's breasts? I will cover two things today, one is communication of your needs, the other is how your lack of satisfaction affects your babe....
So I have many male friends who are either married and in a relationship and most of them have issues with their wives or girlfriends also being their "whore." They have a preconceived notion that they may lose respect for their girl if they see her in the same light they may see a stripper or a prostitute. Again, this all goes back to our upbringing, some men almost want their partner to be their "mother figure," one that meets their basic needs (food, companionship, a partner to tackle their daily issues with). However, when it comes to sex, many men have difficulty merging their sexual desires with the desire of companionship. Well dudes, I am here to free you of that old belief! Your girl can be your "mom", your business partner, your whore, your nurse, your ________.
IT is OK to build a relationship around a healthy sex life! As a matter of fact, it is ESSENTIAL to do this! You have to let go of the shame of wanting heart throbbing, hair pulling sex. It does not make you a bad person. It does not take away from your "persona." The more you try to run away from this part of you, the less likely that you will have a healthy sexual relationship. Not being open about your sexual desires will bring about dysfunctional relationships. You will stray, you will look for it elsewhere and the guilt will eat you up inside. NOT A HEALTHY WAY TO LIVE, IS IT??!! I give you permission to accept this part of you and to be open about it in your relationship. Of course, don't run out and grab your babe's hair and start smacking her ass without prior notice if you've never done this before! HAA HAA... you can always blame it on me. But this is where communication comes in. You can always tell her that you want her to be your everything (girls love that!).
Many couples think that they can't talk about sex, they just show up and awkwardly have "it." I am sooo much for talking about what we like in bed! As a matter of fact, talking about sex can be your new form of foreplay... OK, at first, you can text her something dirty, like "I can't wait to get home tonight and lick your whole body from head to toe and then ask you what you want before I tell you what I want." Your girl will be anticipating this all day, trust me! IT IS ALL A DANCE, YOU MAKE A MOVE, SHE MAKES A MOVE. If you find resistance, it is important for you to express to her the importance of sexual satisfaction... this brings me to my next point... your sexual dissatisfaction affects us girls TO NO END! It is all inter-connected. We know when you are not happy and we resent you for it. We may not know why you're not satisfied, but we certainly feel it. This is your chance to communicate your needs. If talking at first is too awkward, you can also send an email or a text with some of your thoughts. As women, we are used to talking things to DEATH, lol, and even if it feels a bit awkward at first, it is all important stuff that needs to be discussed.
You must free yourself of frustrations and you deserve to be heard in the bedroom. Besides being a physical encounter, it can become a deep connection, one that the two of you can share privately. One that will separate you from the rest of the world and create a stronger bond than you ever thought possible.
So this is our first blog of 2010 and I felt compelled to write about something that tends to be a bit controversial... "Can men and women be just friends?"
I say it depends who you ask! If you ask a girl, she will tell you: ABSOLUTELY! I personally have many guy friends, and believe it or not, I prefer the male species with the exception of a few of my female friends who I trust blindly. It is not that simple, though... I believe that when it comes to men, they agree to being friends with the opposite sex, sometimes out of pure resignation. By this I mean that there are extenuating circumstances that impede them from pursuing a romantic twist to their friendship with girls. "Extenuating circumstances? What does that mean?!!" Well, that means that if given the opportunity, men would let go of the friendship and jump in the sack (or the back seat of their car) with their female friend.
I strongly believe that women hold the cards when it comes to friendship with men. It is not right or wrong, it simply IS! Of course this is a generalization and there are always exceptions, but guys, feel free to disagree! Let's paint a picture: your hot friend, whom you've shared secrets with and who you have fantasized about (even though she has had a boyfriend for the past 4 years), one day calls you and asks you to come over for drinks because she just broke up with her boyfriend. You are currently in a new relationship with someone you adore, but... GOSHHHH!!! Your friend needs you (yeah, who are you fooling haa haa!!). What would you do?!! Do you jump at the opportunity or do you refuse to "save the friendship?" I have a feeling I know the answer.
I go back to the notion that men and women are simply different. I believe that when we all agree to embrace our differences and celebrate our similarities, we would get along much better. SO guys, do not get upset if your current girlfriend disagrees with you spending too much time with girl "friends." We know that there is a very fine line between friends of the opposite sex. In general, men tend to be on the lookout for opportunities not just to "score" but to also brag about to their male counterparts. Women, on the other hand, love the attention that guy friends give them and will push the limit simply out of loneliness and desperation, not to mention the whole "competitive nature" with other females. IF there is an opportunity to get back at some bitch for doing us wrong, we might just push our friendship with the bitch's boyfriend out of spite... I know it is SOOO wrong, but it is also the truth.
SO WHAT TO DO? Can we really do this? Can we have healthy friendships with the other sex? I believe that we can in small quantities and with caution. Always setting clear boundaries and including your significant other in the general aspects of the friendship so to help them feel secure. Considering the "dangers" of this phenomena, the more people you involve, the more accountable you are AND THE BETTER YOU CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT lol... After all, shouldn't we all strive to do the right thing and do right by those who love and trust us?
Thanks for reading and until next time!!