19th Hole Lounge. Golf talk, jokes, videos, hot girls and more!

Welcome Slackers! Just have some fun!

19th Hole Lounge

Monday August 31st, 2998

"X-RATED" GOLF JOKES:

Playing In The Cold

A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year. "In most parts of the USA we cannot play in the winter time. We have to wait until spring," the American said. "Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter time. Snow and cold are no object to us," said the Scot. "Well, what do you do; paint your balls black," asked the American. "No", said the Scot "we just put on an extra sweater or two."

Little One

Bill is waiting to tee off for the start of his round when he sees Ralph just finishing his round. Bill notices that Ralph is wet all over the front of his trousers. Curiosity gets the best of him, so Bill asks Ralph how he got so wet. Ralph tells the following story:

That day, Ralph had played golf for the first time with bifocals. All day long, he could see two sizes for everything. There was a big club and a little club; a big ball and a little ball; etc. Therefore, Ralph said that he hit the little ball with the big club and it went straight and long all day long. On the green, he putted the little ball into the big cup. He said that he played the best golf of his life. Bill said, "I understand that, but how did you get all wet?"

"Well," said Ralph, "when I got to the 16th, I had to urinate awfully bad. I went into the woods and unzipped my fly. When I looked down, there were two of them also; a big one and a little one. Well, I knew the big one wasn't mine, so I put it back."

Naked Distraction

Two men were out playing a game of golf. One of them was teeing off at the third hole, when a gorgeous naked lady ran past. Naturally, this distracted him somewhat, but the true wannabe pro that he was, he bent back to the much more important task at hand. As he was about to hit the shot again, two men in white coats ran past. This was of course less of a distraction, so it was only a few seconds before he was ready again. He was again distracted by a third man, running by in a white coat, but this man was carrying two buckets of sand.

Eventually, he was ready again, and took his shot. As he was walking down the fairway, he asked his companion what he thought had been going on. His companion knew and told him:

"Well that lady, once a week, manages to escape from the loony bin beside the course, tears off her clothes and runs across the fairways. The three guys you saw were the nurses. They have a race to see which can catch her first, and the winner gets to carry her back."

"What about the bucket of sand?"

"Well, that guy won last week, the buckets of sand are his handicap."

Mother Nature

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golfbag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?"
"It's over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"


JOHN DALY PRE-GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY	"BIG JOHN" 80lbs LIGHTER