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19th HOLE LOUNGE
Last Month, 19th Hole Lounge Archives.
Wednesday April 4th, 2012
HOLE IN ONE CONTEST GONE BAD:
HOLE IN ONE CONTEST GONE BAD: We ran a hole in one contest on a par 3 hole at our golf tournament 3 years ago. It cost $5 to play. If you get a hole in one you get a new car. If you didn't have the $5 you could play for free. If you just didn't want to pay the $5 but could really afford it you had to pay a penalty of .50 cents and if you got a hole in one you still got the car. Very few people paid the full 5 dollars and we brought in very little money. The next tournament we had to charge $25 to try for the car to cover the cost of all the golfers who chose not to pay anything the last year. Nobody at all paid the $25 this time and we made no money. The following year we decided not to run the contest because nobody would pay the entry fee because they knew they would still get the car even if they didn't pay anything. The Hole in One insurance company has since gone out of business. The Golf Club itself is now sponsoring the hole in one contest. Nobody likes the contest now because the car is a piece of junk that doesn't run well and you have to wait a long time every time you want to drive it. Membership dues at the club have gone up to pay for this crappy contest. Since membership dues have gone way up we've lost a lot of members. So we raised the prices to the remaining members to cover the cost of the lost members. I can't help feeling we're going about this all wrong.
Monday March 26th, 2012
JUST A JOKE:
THE MAN WHO GAVE UP SEX FOR GOLF:
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.
"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers,
"Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless,
the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says,
"Sure," and sinks the putt.
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again,
"Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one."
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers,
"Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"
Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.
Without waiting for him to say anything the stranger quickly moves a long side of the golfer and says,
"Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"
"Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.
As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says,
"I haven't really been fair with you, because you don't know who I am.
I'm the Devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley .
And I thank you for a great game."
THE "OCCUPY GOLF" MOVEMENT
(WE NEED TO BE HEARD!!!)
I am a member of golf’s lower 99%.
I am an indifferent golfer,
there is no way I could ever make it
to the professional level.
I will never put in the practice
Time to be the best.
I will never have the shots,
skills, or mental toughness
to make it in the sport.
I just never felt like working
all that hard at it.
However,
I am a part of the
golfing community,
as such,
feel I should be paid
by the top 1% of golfers
for what I do.
It isn't fair that those players
who have worked harder,
have studied the game
more carefully,
have better equipment,
are more skilled and dedicated
should make all that BIG money.
Where's my share?
I am a Victim!
The top 1% should pay for
my club memberships
and green fees and lessons,
buy me new clubs, balls,
clothes and shoes, and
pay me some of their winnings.
They can afford it.
They are The Rich.
The whole system should be changed
to accommodate people like me.
I think we should get together
and "occupy" a golf course;
demand that those who are
better at what they do,
pay for us who generally suck.
Whining should get us something -
maybe we'll make the cover of
Time Magazine
And garnish some public sympathy.
Hell, during this election year,
we may even get a law or two
passed by legislators who want
our votes.
The
"Occupy Golf "
Movement
P. S. - Don’t mention this to tennis players!
We thought of it first!!!
We are planning to occupy the front
of the gate at the Masters this year.
remember it’s for the 99%.
Bring your signs
Friday March 23rd, 2012
AMAZING RECOVERY SHOT
...ok, not so amazing, but a lesson to us all.
Wednesday February 29th, 2012
ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT AT PUBLIC GOLF COURSE:
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's the weather going to be like that day?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm running late. Can you still get me out early?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that's not it.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller: What's the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: How much to play golf today?
Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller: 38 dollars?
Staff: No, 38 yen.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff: Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff: Sure, what time would you like?
Caller: Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. In the morning, if possible.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff: Yes, they're 25 dollars.
Caller: How much to rent a bag?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.
Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?
Tuesday February 21, 2012
MURDER
Monday February 13, 2012
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
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Sunday January 15th, 2012
TEST YOUR PERCEPTION SKILLS: WITH THIS GOLF AND CELEBRITY PIXELATION CHALLENGE!
IF VIDEO PAUSES OR TO SCROLL MANUALLY CLICK SCREEN!
Friday January 6th, 2012
DIRTY, DISGUSTING, JUEVENILLE ...FUNNY.
Thursday January 5th, 2012
BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD VIEW ISUCKATGOLF.NET:
WE KNOW THE FEELING:
Wednesday January 4th, 2012
MY KIND OF TEACHING PRO:
Sunday January 1st, 2012
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wishing everyone a very Happy and Healthy 2012! Hope you get that Hole in One this year! Resolve to work on your golf muscles this season. Start now! Check out some of our fitness experts and ask them what do get started on! Check out our Ask The Experts section. Once the snow melts you'll be ready to Rip It!
Friday December 23rd, 2011
MERRY CHRISTMAS!...and thanks you for visiting our site, sending in your comments and questions, and shopping in our store! We really appreciate it and hope we were able to shave a stroke or two from your score or at least made you smile. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New year!
Tuesday December 20th, 2011
DON'T PISS OFF OUR BARTENDER
Wednesday December 14th, 2011
I'M GOOD!
Tuesday December 13th, 2011
LADIES NIGHT IN THE LOUNGE: Ladies drinks 1/2 price, these particular ladies drink for free.
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MONDAY DECEMBER 12th, 2011
JUST A JOKE
Last Month, 19th Hole Lounge Archives.