19th Hole Lounge
19th Hole Lounge homepage/archives.
Monday December 14th, 2009
QUOTE OF THE DAY:(True)
“I find the more I drink, the more interesting others become.”
~ Tom Ralphs
LARRY DAVID QUOTES! (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
“I don’t like talking to people I know but strangers I have no problem with.”
Yes, I was, uh… I was thinking about ordering the tape, the videotape… about the college girls and the… the wild… the wildness. They’re going wild or something? Somebody told me… about going wild.”
And how about that hygienist. It’s like if you go to a prostitute, and the prostitute goes around and tells everybody that you got a small penis. Not that I’ve ever been to a prostitute… not that I have a small penis.”
“We don’t have any plans, we just don’t wanna go to dinner with you.”
“I’m not really too worried about the global warming. People like it a little warmer, don’t they?”
“Everything is ‘heaven’ with [Ted]. The piece of gum he had; ‘Oh this is heaven!’ Had a taste of a chocolate bar; ‘I’m in heaven.’ A parking space is ‘heaven.’ It’s all heaven.”
“Alright, weatherman, I’m gonna tell you my point. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that you’re predicting rain to clear the golf course for yourself.”
You got the huge vagina and you’re blaming it on the small penis. You know, it’s not really necessary.”
“An employee is told that the customer’s always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole."
..more at MUFFSLAP.com
Friday December 11th, 2009
SLOW PLAY
FRIDAY NIGHT IS LADIES NIGHT: Ladies drink 1/2 price. These ladies drink for free!
|
|
|
|
|---|
Thursday December 10th, 2009
JUST FOR LAUGHS
TIGER WOODS WIFE ELIN REPORTLY STAYING WITH TIGER FOR THE KIDS: Full Story. (opens in new window from N.Y. Daily News)
Monday December 7th, 2009
SNL TIGER WOODS SKIT: (poor Jim Furyk! He wins Tiger's tournament, his first win in 2 years and everyone's still talking about Tiger!) We'll say it ...Congratulations Jim!
"That's Tiger!"
Sunday December 6th, 2009
TIGER VOICE MAIL TO JAMIEE GRUBBS ("alleged")
Saturday December 5th, 2009
HOW TO PLAY THE BUNKER SHOT: Maria Verchenova, Russian golf sensation who just happens to be very hot.
HELP TIGER ESCAPE!
GAME OPENS IN NEW WINDOW
Friday December 4th, 2009
PADRAIG HARRINGTON AND THE REAL "HAPPY GILMORE" SWING. Does it work?
FRIDAY NIGHT IS LADIES NIGHT. LADIES IN JEANS DRINK FOR FREE!
|
|
|
|
|---|
THEY JUST KEEP COMIN'...
Thursday December 3rd, 2009
FUNNY AUSTRALIAN GOLF GIRLS SHOW/CLIP...MATE!
Saturday November 28th, 2009
TIGER WOODS ACCIDENT SCENE PHOTO NOT YET RELEASED:
Oh C'mon....he's not seriously hurt and it's funny!...the Nike swoosh skid mark?, lighten up Francis!
Friday November 27th, 2009
FRIDAY IS LADIES NIGHT AT THE LOUNGE: Ladies drink 1/2 price, these particular ladies drink for free.
|
|
|
|
|---|
Wednesday November 25th, 2009
The "ISUCKATGOLF" book, at new stands now!
Chapters include:
1. How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
2. How to Hit a Nike From the Rough When You Hit a Titleist Off The Tee
3. How to Get More Distance Off the Shank
4. When to Give the Ranger the Finger
5. Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings
6. How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round
7. How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
8. Why Your Wife Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th
9. How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome Without Getting Embarrassed
10. How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee
11. When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
(not really in News Stands now)
JUST A JOKE:
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ....go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I! 'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?
You know you Suck At Golf when:
You consider a good round one in which you lost only half-a-dozen balls.
More than once, you have attempted to return a club because "somehow it snapped."
You have old golf balls in your bag specifically for water holes.
You hit an iron off every tee.
When playing in a club tournament, you get a stroke on EVERY hole.
You are told "you’re still away" more than twice on the same green.
You and your group have rules for taking Mulligans.
You have two (or more)putters in your bag.
You get excited over a deep ball mark created in the green by your approach shot.
You consistently leave yourself further from the hole after a chip shot.
You start thinking around the 12th hole that if you par in you can still break 100.
Sunday November 22nd, 2009
100 Years, 100 Movie Quotes: Really good!
Friday November 20th, 2009
FRIDAY NIGHT IS LADIES NIGHT AT THE LOUNGE: Victoria Secret Fashion Show 2009.
Thursday November 19th, 2009
A LITTLE HUMOR (Very Little)
Bob Hope-isms:
"I like to play in the low 70s. If it gets any hotter than that, I'll stay in the bar!"
Bob Hope to Arnold Palmer- "you got to admit that my short game is pretty good."
Arnold- "yeah, but your short game is off the tee!"
"I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters."
"We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot...At least he can't cheat on his score- because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded."
A Good Wife:
Jack and Frances are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
Jack says to Frances, "Frances, I was wondering ... have you ever cheated on me?"
Frances replies, "Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question."
"Yes, Frances, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old, and you really wanted to start the business on your own, and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Frances, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number two?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack, and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it Frances, that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved."
" So, all right then, when was number three?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club, but you were 17 votes short..?"
The Ringer
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Ariel Sharon, the leader of Israel.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Sharon wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Ariel Sharon ... we can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result of the match.
"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Ariel Sharon?!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
Ladies Tee:
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Pete was beginning his pre shot routine.
As he was visualizing his upcoming shot, a voice came over the loudspeaker, "Would the gentleman on the ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"
Pete was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee!"
Pete had had enough.
He yelled, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
MODEL GOLFERS: Natalie Gulbis, Anna Rawson, Maria Verchenova.
 |
|
 |
|||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
 |
 |
 |
|||
 |
|
 |
|||
19th Hole Lounge homepage/archives.
