19th Hole Lounge
Friday May 8th, 2009
JUST A JOKE:
A golfer in the Pro Shop picks out some items and puts them on the counter to pay for. They include a dozen Top Flite golf balls, a white golf glove, 3 bags of colored tees and a yellow umbrella on sale. Another man, who obviously had a few too many beers at the 19th hole staggers over and says, "I can tell...hiccup..that you're a single man." Intrigued by this correct assesement of his marital status the golfer turns to the drunk man and says, "why yes, yes I am single, but how could you tell that just by looking at the items I purchased? The drunk man turns to the golfer and slurs..."Cuz you're ugly."
LPGA Golfer of the Week: NATALIE GULBIS...we like her game.
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Thursday May 7th, 2009
HOOTERS SPLITS WITH JOHN DALY. Full story.
ISAG take: Why now? He seems to be getting his life back on track, why kick a guy when he's down? Geez Hooters...he who is without sin pour the first body shot.
CLASSIC HONEYMOONERS: (Norton teaches Ralph how to golf...great!)
GOLF QUOTES:
"If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death." Sam Snead
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt". Dean Martin
"Golf is a good walk spoiled." Mark Twain
"If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head." Harry Vardon
"They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken." Raymond Floyd
"If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron." Lee Trevino (ISAG note: But you might get hit by Jack Nicklaus...famous for his long iron height and ability.)
"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch." Lee Trevino
COMING SOON... caddy girl Danielle Ryan from Las Vegas. Girls of Golf gallery
YANKEE AND RED SOX FANS AGREE ON SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT. (Manny Ramirez will be suspended 50 games for positive drug test.) Full story
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ISAG TAKE: As a Yankee fan it makes me smile to think Manny beat us all those times with Boston while on steroids ...but it just doesn't make sense. I know, I know, "the Dr. gave me something and he didn't know it was banned" is pretty lame. But you'd have to be REALLY dumb to take steroids at this point. We believe ya Manny....and fire that doctor.
SHOT OF THE DAY
VISUALIZATION (by comedian Bil Dwyer.)
LAS VEGAS IMPRESSIONIST DANNY GANS WTIH BUTCH HARMON...Rest In Peace. (great Rodney Dangerfield, Arnold S, Woody Allan...)
Wednesday May 6th, 2009
KENTUCKY DERBY REPLAY: (50-1 long shot, purchased for $9,500 wins Derby going away.) full story
WE DO NOT AGREE! ...too many things were left out. ;0)
5 REASONS TO LEAVE MISS CALIFORNIA ALONE:
1. The Miss America pageant is a joke these days. No one really cares anymore, and no one was watching. So they moved the venue and allowed bikini's. Still no one watched. This controversy is the only press they've gotten in years. They're milking it for what it's worth at this girl's expense.
2. Perez Hilton sucks.
3. Carrie Prejean was asked the question about her stance on Gay Marriage by Perez Hilton. I don't happen to agree with her, but she gave an honest answer. I thought the whole "Gay Rights thing" was about tolerance and accepting other people for who they are. I guess that works only if the other people happen to agree with you.
4. Perez Hilton sucks.
5. She's hot.
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YANKEE MOM ARRESTED. (Roids, Meth and no Torre... just great.)
The mother of New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain was arrested in Nebraska on suspicion of dealing drugs, police say. Read more...
Tuesday May 5th, 2009
HOW MUCH TO SPEND ON CLUBS?(courtesy The Range with Bil Dwyer)
Seems a little severe...
Equally offensive to all...(courtesy, Theo Sparks Website)
Swine Flu or drank the water?
Don Rickles on the Dean Martin Roast ...good stuff.
The RC Cooler Commercial, funny. (submitted by Chris Druzbbansky)
GOLF QUOTES:
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
"The worst advice in golf is, 'Keep your head down.'"
Patty Sheehan
"If by the time you get to your ball, you don't know what to do with it, try another sport." Julius Boros, a U.S. Open and PGA champion
"Swing hard in case you hit it."
Dan Marino
"When it's breezy, hit it easy."
Davis Love, Jr.
"Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead."
Tommy Bolt (famous for his temper.)
"Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt."
(Jack Nicklaus on why he tees his ball high.)
"You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen."
Lee Trevino
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