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Monday November 16th, 2009
ORIGIN OF THE WORD GOLF? Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
We're not sold on the truth of this, but if their is any truth to it, we believe if the Scotts could have seen our Women of Golf gallery back then, we'd all be playing GOWF today. (Gentlemen Only With Females.)
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Friday November 13th, 2009
FRIDAY NIGHT IS LADIES NIGHT AT THE LOUNGE:
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Happy Belated Veterans Day!: Dog greets his Soldier just home from duty. Priceless.
Wednesday November 11th, 2009
NOT A GOOD SIGN:
David Letterman's Top 10 Reasons Golf is better than Sex!
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged.
#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible.
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex..... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
Tuesday November 10th, 2009
GET SOME ZIP ON YOUR SHOTS! Butch Harmon.
Friday November 6th, 2009
SHELL'S WONDERFUL WORLD OF GOLF: 1st hole action between Ben Hogan and Sam Snead. Wonderful indeed.
EVERY FRIDAY IS "LADIES NIGHT" AT THE 19th HOLE LOUNGE: Ladies drink 1/2 price, these particular ladies drink for free.
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Thursday November 5th, 2009
CADDYSHACK CLIP OF THE WEEK: "Buy a hat like that I'll bet you get a free bowl of soup". Vintage Rodney!
Monday November 2nd 2009
JUST FOR LAUGHS
click to enlarge (of course)
Saturday October 31st, 2009
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
THE MONSTER MASH:
THE ORIGIN OF THE PHRASE "Jack O' Lantern":
FUNNY PUMPKIN CARVINGS:The Bourgeois may refer to them as "Jack O' Lanterns", however those of us who truly appreciate the art of pumpkin carving take great exception to that. Now bring me another glass of Port and be off with you.
Friday October 30th, 2009
GOLF JOKES OF THE DAY:
Heart Attack
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! 'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over here and you're putting?'
'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly, 'they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'.
'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?
'No time at all', says her husband. 'Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'.
3 WISHES
A couple wins a trip to an expensive golf resort. When they arrive, they head straight to the front nine to get in a few holes before dinner. As the man was getting ready to his drive on the first hole, he stopped and noticed that all the way down on both sides were huge houses that had to be worth at least $1,000,000. He looked at his wife and said, "Honey, Let's be real careful not to make any mistakes on this course. I would hate to pay for something around here. Some of these windows are probably worth more than my car"
The man then takes his first swing. SLICE!!!! The ball heads straight for a house and goes through the window. The man looks over at his wife and whimpers, "Let's go see what the damage is."
They come up to the front door and ring the door bell. I large man opens the door and holds the golf ball up. "Is this yours", he said.
The husband apologizes and offers the man some money to pay for the window. The Large man says, that won't be necessary, please come in my home. He brings the couple to the living room where the window was broken. He said " I am so happy your ball came through that window. Do you see that broken Vase on the coffee table"
The couple nodded wondering where this conversation was going.
"I am a genie, and I have been stuck in that damn vase for over 1000 years. You have freed me and for that I am willing to give you each a wish. The third one I will use on myself" The genie looks over to the man and says, "What will your wish be sir"
The man replies, "I have always wanted to have my own chain of restaurants"
The genie says, "Done, You own your own chain of restaurants. What can I do for you Mrs.?"
The women replies, "I have always wanted to own my own chain of Beauty Salons."
The genie says, "Done, you own your own chain of Beauty Salons."
The man then looks at the genie and asks, "What is your wish going to be?"
The Genie replies, "As I said earlier, I have been in that damn vase for over 1000 years and for over a 1000 years I haven't had sex. My wish is to take your wife upstairs and have sex with her for 3 hours."
The man looks at his wife and they both agreed since they both got what they wanted. The woman and the Genie went upstairs to the bedroom while the man stayed downstairs watching TV. After 3 hours the Genie and the woman started walking back down the stairs.
The women looked at the genie and said, "That was amazing"
The genie looked at her and said, "What's amazing is your husband still believes in Genies"
BEER SYMPTOMS AND TROUBLESHOOTING: Click to enlarge.
NOTICE: The Mgt. of the 19th Hole Lounge would like to remind you of the phenomena known as "beer goggles". Please drink responsibly.
...unless that's what you want:
FAMOUS GOLF QUOTES:
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
H. G. Wells
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
Woodrow Wilson
They say "practice" makes perfect " Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection.
Henry Longhurst
Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Will Rogers
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
Gardner Dickinson
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
Billy Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
Ben Hogan
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
Bob Hope
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon
It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits, but I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron
Golf isn't a game, it's a choice that one makes with one's life.
Charles Rosin
There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide, open park- like setting that non-golfers can never truly understand.
Charles Rosin
I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.
Bruce Lansky
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
Jimmy Demaret
We learn so many things from golf- how to suffer, for instance.
Bruce Lansky
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller
Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
P. G. Wodehouse
A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
Henry Beard
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
Thursday October 29th, 2009
TIME LAPSE PUMPKIN CARVING: Turned out pretty darn good! I'm still doing the triangle eyes myself.
The 19th Hole Lounge
Wednesday October 28th, 2009
OUR NEWEST WOMAN OF SPORTS: Jennifer Barretta! (Pool) Jennifer's agreed to answer your pool questions as well! Thanks Jennifer! Jen's gallery.
Friday October 24th, 2009
LIFE QUESTIONS:
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Thursday October 22nd, 2009
QUICK ONE LINERS: "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball". Jack Lemmon
GOLF TRIVIA CHALLENGE: Click image, game opens in new window. (we shot 9 under. Only one set of questions, but it'll kill a few minutes at work.)
Wednesday October 21st, 2009
CARSON COMEDY CLASSIC: Johnny Carson and Jack Webb.
973 YARD PAR 3: Padraig Harrington tackles the longest Par 3 in the world!
Sunday October 18th, 2009
AMAZING TRICK SHOTS: This kids got skills!
Friday October 16th, 2009
OLD TIME GOLF PHOTOS: Harry Varden (nice grip, that could catch on.), Bobby Jones teeing off at the British Open, and African Natives trying their luck on the links. (I wouldn't want to call a penalty stroke on the guy on the right.)
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Sunday October 11th, 2009
I'M MY OWN GRANDPA SONG: See if you can follow this one!
Friday October 9th, 2009
HOW TO PICK A CADDY: BILL DWYER "THE RANGE"
The Range: How To Pick A Caddy from Drinks at Six on Vimeo.
THE WRISTS IN THE GOLF SWING: Bill Dwyer
I just read an article by a scientist that claims the wrists are not that important in a golf swing. Now, before you head out and schedule some sort of wrist reduction, or God help us, wrist removal surgery, let’s think about this rationally. You take your wrists out of the equation via removal and what happens? You got no place for your wristwatch. Do you want to carry a pocket watch your whole life? That means always wearing a button-down vest with a pocket. Are you prepared to commit to that look for the rest of your life? What about your shirts? You get your wrists removed, all of a sudden- everything’s too long. If you have a good tailor, like I do, then you just bring them in to him, and he alters them no problem. But he’ll be full of questions. “Whya youa getta ridda you wristsa?” Someday I’ll figure out that accent. Look, God designed us as perfect golfing machines. Every part where it ought to be. Every part a function. It’s a golfing assembly line, with a tan. That’s why you never see Cher golfing. She had that rib removed- she’s been fighting a snap hook ever since. I’m Bil Dwyer, every inch of me original parts, and thanks for checking out The Range Show.
Visit Bill Dwyer's Website. "The Range"
ARNOLD PALMER GOLF GAME
Funny Arnold Palmer Indoor Golf Game-MN State Fair 09 from Luke Schneider on Vimeo.
JOKE OF THE DAY: Laws of Golf
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
More golf jokes...Visit Ahajokes.com
Women of Sports: Allison Stokke
Full Gallery of Pics of Allison Stokke
FITNESS WITH ZUZANA: Stretching
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